Transracial Adoption Playgroup

If transracial adoption has helped build your family you are invited to a weekly playgroup.  Wednesdays at 10AM.  If rainy we meet at the play area in Layton Hills Mall.  If sunny we meet at the playground in Layton Commons Park. 

Hope to see you there!

2011 FSA Conference- Registration Open!

“ROOTED IN LOVE"

2011 NATIONAL CONFERENCE

WHEN: August 12-13th

8 a.m.- 5 p.m.

Banquet, August 12th, 5:30 p.m.

WHERE: Davis Conference Center

1651 North 700 West, Layton, Utah

COST: $40.00 per individual (EACH ATTENDEE MUST REGISTER INDIVIDUALLY)  Cost will increase to $45 after July 15th

QUESTIONS:  Peggy Shepherd, 801-240-6052

shepherdpl@ldsfamilyservices.org

REGISTRATION:

www.regonline.com/familiessupportingadoption  

LODGING INFORMATION:

http://www.hiltongardeninn.com/en/gi/hotels/index.jhtml?ctyhocn=SLCLAGI

Group Code:  LDSFAMILY

KEYNOTE SPEAKERS Julie B. Beck, Relief Society General President Friday, August 12, 9 a.m. Julie Bangerter Beck served on the Young Women general board and as first counselor in the Young Women general presidency. She currently serves as the Relief Society general president. As part of her responsibilities, she is a member of the Church Board of Education and the Boards of Trustees for Church schools and universities, and she is on the executive and general councils for Church welfare and the Perpetual Education Fund. She is the mother of three children and is the grandmother of 14.  Dr. Karyn Purvis Saturday, August 13, 9 a.m.  Dr. Karyn Purvis has spent the past ten years developing research-based interventions for at-risk children. She is the coauthor of the 2007 book The Connected Child: Bringing Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family, and her projects have been featured on Dateline NBC and in Newsweek, Parents Magazine, and other popular magazines. Dr. Purvis is a former foster mother and speaks frequently to national and international groups.           Special Guest Charles "Chuck" Johnson August 12, 5:30 (Banquet) Chuck Johnson is president and CEO of the National Council For Adoption (NCFA) and director of the Infant Adoption Awareness Training Initiative. He is the primary editor of NCFA’s Consider the Possibilities curriculum and of the Adoption Advocate, a monthly publication of NCFA. He is also the project manager and editor/writer of the Intercountry Adoption Journey: Hague-Compliant Training from NCFA. He is a father by adoption.

Celebrating Adoption Walk

Click Image to Enlarge

Eric and Heather's Adoption Journey- Part Six

Eric and Heather are a prospective adoptive couple who are sharing their experiences in a series of guest posts about what it’s like to go through the adoption process with LDS Family Services. Eric and Heather hope that by sharing their experiences others will feel the same peace and support they have received and gain a better understanding of how the adoption process works.

Click on the following to read their previous posts:

Eric and Heather’s Adoption Journey- Part One

Eric and Heather's Adoption Journey- Part Two

Eric and Heather's Adoption Journey- Part Three

Eric and Heather's Adoption Journey- Part Four

Eric and Heather's Adoption Journey- Part Five

Part Six: Home Study and Approval

Home Study

Not long after we attended the adoption education class it was time for our home study.  Our caseworker, Judy, gave us a short list of items that she would need to check and that we should have ready before she comes. Her list was pretty basic, and covered items like a fire extinguisher and some wall plugs for the electrical outlets.  She told us that we didn’t necessarily need to have everything right away but her visit provided us with ideas and improvements that we would need to make before a baby is placed with us.

When Judy and Sydney arrived we spent some time going over our profile and then we showed them around our home. Judy checked for items such as covers for our window wells, wall plugs, firearms being safely stored separate from ammunition, and a gate for our stairs.  The actual inspection took only a few minutes and then we were able to spend some time getting to know each other even better. In the end, Judy left us with a few suggestions, such as moving nail polish up a drawer to avoid children getting into it, moving our medicine up higher, etc.   We had anticipated that she would want to see the house clean, but true to her word she never pulled out a white glove.

Approval

A few weeks from the time Judy and Sydney came to our home for the study, we received an email from Judy informing us we had been approved and that our profile was up on the website.  I was so excited; I didn’t even finish reading her e-mail before pulling it up and calling Eric, my mom and a few other people.  We received the letter in the mail a short time after and it has been posted on our fridge ever since.  Words cannot express how thrilled we are to have completed the process thus far and to have the realization that we could have our sweet baby in our arms sometime soon. 

Talking to your child About Adoption

The following information was compiled by Angie Rhodes using sources such as Adoptive Families Magazine, Raising Adopted Children, Talking with Young Children About Adoption, Making Sense of Adoption, and Real Parents Real Children: Parenting the Adopted Child.

Talking to your Child About Adoption

WHY?

1. To answer your child’s questions.
2. To help your child understand what it means to be adopted. They can’t move forward into the future unless they have a grasp of what happened in the past.
3. To prepare your child for talking to/answering questions from other people about adoption.
4. To communicate a willingness to talk about it. To establish an environment of openness instead of secrecy.
5. To avoid “fantasy” – both good and bad.

1. Fantasize that birthparents are celebrities
2. Worry that birthparents didn’t want them because they were bad or cried too much.

6. To give the child a positive sense of self.

1. Positive sense of self gives comfort and confidence with adoption.
2. “A child is influenced by adoptive family and birth family – and by his or her perception of his/her adoptive family and birth family.

HOW?

1. With the right attitude/demeanor. If adoption conversations are approached in a nurturing way, your child will trust and feel safe talking about it with you.

1. Approachable
2. Comfortable (if you are uncomfortable, discussions may be awkward or avoided. If children detect unease in discussing adoption, they may conclude that something is wrong with them.
3. Non-defensive, non-threatened by questions.
4. Keep things casual. Adoption conversations don’t have to be serious, sit-down, heavy talks.

2. With the right tone of voice.

1. A hushed tone can convey shame or secrecy.
2. An elevated tone can convey anxiety or distress.

WHEN?

1. From the beginning.

1. The earliest years are good practice for when your child understands more, and you can get comfortable talking about it. Adoption language will become part of your lexicon.
2. It won’t be an emotionally laden revelation for the child to learn later.

2. Often enough that your child knows it isn’t a taboo topic.
3. Often enough that you are addressing changes in understanding and emotions throughout different developmental stages.
4. Not so often that s/he feels set apart by his/her “adoptedness.” Talking excessively can leave a child feeling that there is something wrong with being adopted, or that adoption is the most important part of his/her identity.
5. When it is relevant. At some times in a child’s life, that is going to be frequent and sometimes it’s going to be infrequent.
6. When it is appropriate. Utilize boundaries of privacy when talking about adoption with strangers or acquaintances. Sometimes we get a bit eager and overzealous when it comes to adoption and divulge too much. Learn to speak in generalities.
7. Follow your child’s lead. (This does NOT mean you have to wait for your child to bring it up!)

1. Be available and willing to talk about it when they want to.
2. Don’t push the subject when they don’t want to talk about it.

8. Take advantage of opportunities as they arise.

1. When other people are pregnant/have a baby/adopt a baby
2. When you adopt again

WHAT?

1. Tell the truth.
2. Use the gospel, your testimony of your child’s adoption.

1. "Never forget that these little ones are the sons and daughters of God and that yours is a custodial relationship to them, that He was a parent before you were parents and that He has not relinquished His parental rights or interest in these His little ones. Now, love them, take care of them." President Gordon B. Hinckley
2. Heavenly Father is aware of them as individuals, and made sure they ended up where they were supposed to be.
3. Personal spiritual experiences that told you your child was meant to be in your family.

3. Remain positive about birth family, and empathetic towards any negative facts there might be.
4. Explain that adoption is an adult decision. Be careful with the “love” explanation. You love him. Are you going to place him with a new family?
5. It’s okay to say, “I don’t know.”
6. It’s okay to postulate – use likelihoods.

1. “We’re not sure what your birthfather looked like. But since your birthmother is fair, he probably has dark hair like you do.”
2. “You have such natural talent for music. I wonder if your birth mother is musical, too.”

7. Acknowledge birth parents, not just ethnic or cultural heritage to avoid ideas of “hatching.”
8. Utilize communication from or open relationship with birth parents.
9. Tell the child’s story – lifebook.
10. Use adoption books, either as a springboard for discussion with your child or as an example to you of things you can say.
11. In developmentally appropriate layers.

1. Conversations will be repeated often throughout the years. Begin with the basics in language your child can understand and build on that through the years as they understand more. Increasing maturity brings increased understanding and emotions.
2. Try to listen for what your child is really asking. If your child asks to call her birth mother, she may really mean, “I want to know more about this person.” That’s an opening. Ask, “What do you think she’d be like? What would you say to her? What do you think she might say to you?”

12. Throw out “pebbles” to invite questions/conversation.

1. “You are such a good artist. You must get that from your birth mom.”
2. “I always think of your birthparents on your birthday. They must be thinking of you, too.”
3. Speak about adoption to your spouse in your child’s hearing.

For additional adoption literature refer to Utah's Adoption Connection Lending Library (also listed on the sidebar of our blog under "Helpful Links".)