Eric and Heather's Adoption Journey- Part Six

Eric and Heather are a prospective adoptive couple who are sharing their experiences in a series of guest posts about what it’s like to go through the adoption process with LDS Family Services. Eric and Heather hope that by sharing their experiences others will feel the same peace and support they have received and gain a better understanding of how the adoption process works.

Click on the following to read their previous posts:

Eric and Heather’s Adoption Journey- Part One

Eric and Heather's Adoption Journey- Part Two

Eric and Heather's Adoption Journey- Part Three

Eric and Heather's Adoption Journey- Part Four

Eric and Heather's Adoption Journey- Part Five

Part Six: Home Study and Approval

Home Study

Not long after we attended the adoption education class it was time for our home study.  Our caseworker, Judy, gave us a short list of items that she would need to check and that we should have ready before she comes. Her list was pretty basic, and covered items like a fire extinguisher and some wall plugs for the electrical outlets.  She told us that we didn’t necessarily need to have everything right away but her visit provided us with ideas and improvements that we would need to make before a baby is placed with us.

When Judy and Sydney arrived we spent some time going over our profile and then we showed them around our home. Judy checked for items such as covers for our window wells, wall plugs, firearms being safely stored separate from ammunition, and a gate for our stairs.  The actual inspection took only a few minutes and then we were able to spend some time getting to know each other even better. In the end, Judy left us with a few suggestions, such as moving nail polish up a drawer to avoid children getting into it, moving our medicine up higher, etc.   We had anticipated that she would want to see the house clean, but true to her word she never pulled out a white glove.

Approval

A few weeks from the time Judy and Sydney came to our home for the study, we received an email from Judy informing us we had been approved and that our profile was up on the website.  I was so excited; I didn’t even finish reading her e-mail before pulling it up and calling Eric, my mom and a few other people.  We received the letter in the mail a short time after and it has been posted on our fridge ever since.  Words cannot express how thrilled we are to have completed the process thus far and to have the realization that we could have our sweet baby in our arms sometime soon. 

Eric and Heather's Adoption Journey- Part Five

Eric and Heather are a prospective adoptive couple who are sharing their experiences in a series of guest posts about what it’s like to go through the adoption process with LDS Family Services. Eric and Heather hope that by sharing their experiences others will feel the same peace and support they have received and gain a better understanding of how the adoption process works.

Click on the following to read their previous posts:

Eric and Heather’s Adoption Journey- Part One

Eric and Heather's Adoption Journey- Part Two

Eric and Heather's Adoption Journey- Part Three

Eric and Heather's Adoption Journey- Part Four

Part Five:  The Adoption Education Classes

We really didn’t know what to expect when we arrived at the adoption education classes. We had talked to a few other couples who had attended other classes in years past but no one we had talked to had ever done courses over an entire weekend. I guess the classes used to be held one evening a week for eight consecutive weeks. For us, doing it in one weekend worked really well because I serve in Young Women’s and Eric is the Scout Master so often times we have other commitments during the week.

The classes were for three hours on Friday and then all day on Saturday. Honestly, we thought that this could quite possibly make for some really long days, but we were pleasantly surprised. By the end, I was actually kind of disappointed how quickly it all went by.

On Friday, we spent a good majority of the time just getting to know the other couples in the class. We had a fairly small group with about ten couples. We started by introducing ourselves and providing a brief explanation of what brought us to LDS Family Services. It was amazing to me how almost instantly we had a bond and connection with each couple in the room. It was so comforting to be talking and listening to people who were in the same situation as us. After we got to know each other a little better, we spent the remainder of the evening talking about what we were expecting throughout the remainder of the adoption process and learning a little more about LDS Family Services.

During breakfast on Saturday, we were able to take some time and get to know the other couples and members of FSA a little better before starting the actual classes. We spent the first portion of the morning going over Blue Step. Blue Step is the online program that each couple provides information on their background, family, and preferences. Each social worker took some time to go over each portion, provide input and answer questions. This was really helpful for us because after hearing how the program works and hearing the social worker's perspective about certain things, Eric and I actually went through and made a few minor changes to our profile.

Throughout the rest of the day, there were a variety of panels who spoke about their adoption journey, and we had the opportunity to hear the perspective of some children and teenagers who were adopted, and even learn about other alternatives, such as international and special needs adoption. I found these panels to be so incredibly helpful and each person had a different story and a different perspective and that was really beneficial to hear. It made us realize how we are all in very similar situations but everyone’s story is so unique and every person handles things different. 

My absolute favorite part of the entire weekend was when they brought in these three absolutely incredible birth moms into the room. We had the privilege of inviting family members to come listen and I am so grateful for that we could have some of our family be there with us. When these three beautiful women walked in, a very sweet spirit followed them. As we sat and listened to their stories, everyone in the room could feel of their incredible strength and their love for their child. I honestly can’t even begin to describe the feelings that I felt and the love that I felt for these women who I didn’t even know. Each of them had an amazing story and I know that it took so much strength for each of them to come share that with us and be willing to answer questions. These three women left a lasting impression on Eric and I and they have inspired countless conversations about these amazing young girls and women who have placed their child for adoption. Before the classes we had discussed how much we admire and respect women who have the courage to do what these women have done, but neither Eric nor I have ever really known or talked to a birth mom, making this experience so tender to both of us. This truly was an invaluable experience that I know we will cherish and remember forever.

Eric & Heather's Adoption Journey- Part Four

Eric and Heather are a prospective adoptive couple who are sharing their experiences in a series of guest posts about what it’s like to go through the adoption process with LDS Family Services. Eric and Heather hope that by sharing their experiences others will feel the same peace and support they have received and gain a better understanding of how the adoption process works.

Click on the following to read their previous posts:

Eric and Heather’s Adoption Journey- Part One

Eric and Heather's Adoption Journey- Part Two

Eric and Heather's Adoption Journey- Part Three

The Interviews

I will admit that I definitely had my moments of being a little nervous about the individual interviews. Luckily, Eric was very calm and collected and helped me to realize that we had nothing to be nervous about. I met with both our case workers, Judy and Sydney and within the first few minutes, my fears were gone. Most of the questions they asked were questions that I answered in blue step and I was able to elaborate on my answers and even ask questions. Judy was so welcoming to questions and she even shared some of her own personal stories and feelings which really meant a lot to me and brought such a sweet spirit into the room. Toward the end of the interview, Judy spent some time talking about what happens next and what to expect from the education classes.

We have both been so surprised and so grateful for the lessons we have learned and for the feelings that we have had throughout the process thus far. We are really looking forward to these upcoming education classes so that we can have the opportunity to learn from others experiences.

Eric & Heather's Adoption Journey- Part Three

Eric and Heather are a prospective adoptive couple who are sharing their experiences in a series of guest posts about what it’s like to go through the adoption process with LDS Family Services. Eric and Heather hope that by sharing their experiences others will feel the same peace and support they have received and gain a better understanding of how the adoption process works.

Click on the following to read their previous posts:

Eric and Heather’s Adoption Journey- Part One

Eric and Heather's Adoption Journey- Part Two

The Paperwork
Eric and I had heard that paperwork portion of the adoption process was pretty intense. We went into it expecting to spend many, many hours completing all the required documentation and answering all the questions but we ended up being pleasantly surprised.

Our birth certificates and marriage certificates were easy to order online, though it cost us close to one hundred dollars to order (but we ordered three copies of each for the future). The required medical forms were fairly simple and we were able to schedule physicals fairly quickly so that those forms could be completed. Luckily, our infertility clinic was willing to let us fax the paperwork to their office to save us a trip.  The other documentation consisted of compiling financial documents, Bishop recommendations, and employment verification.

The online paperwork has to be completed online in a program called Blue Step. It’s split up into four phases. Each phase asks a serious of open ended questions ranging from how we grew up and how we plan to raise our child to what we enjoy doing in our spare time. There is a part in the online paperwork that has to be done separately from your spouse that takes a bit more time and dedication to complete but it gave us the opportunity to really reflect on our own upbringing and our individual thoughts about adoption. I was a little surprised at how badly I wanted to see how Eric had answered. For me, it was kind of similar to someone saying, “don’t think about it,” and then that’s all I could think about but we promised that we would complete each questionnaire separately so we did. That didn’t stop me from being really curious (and I’ll admit, a little nervous) about what he would write compared to what I wrote but we were able to talk about our answers after the individual interviews with our case worker and it was really kind of a neat experience to go over the questions with each other and talk about things we maybe hadn’t thought about or discussed previously.

Along with answering questions about yourself, your spouse, and your extended family members, the program also asks you to provide financial information, a description of your home and neighborhood and your preferences when it comes to being placed with a child. Eric and I kind of went out of order and completed a phase before we were technically supposed to so we still have some revising to do in the final phase of the process. Phase four asks you to write a letter to the birth parent, share pictures, and answer questions regarding preferences when it comes to children. There were definitely some tough questions that luckily, we have prayerfully considered along the way but we know that we will learn more by attending the upcoming education classes that will help us to be able to complete the final phase.

Overall, the paperwork part of the adoption was much easier than we had originally anticipated and we even enjoyed parts of it!

Eric and Heather's Adoption Journey- Part 2

Eric and Heather are a prospective adoptive couple who are sharing their experiences in a series of guest posts about what it’s like to go through the adoption process with LDS Family Services. Eric and Heather hope that by sharing their experiences others will feel the same peace and support they have received and gain a better understanding of how the adoption process works.

Click on the following to read their previous posts:

Eric and Heather’s Adoption Journey- Part One

Orientation

Eric and I had spent a lot of time talking with other adoptive couples and even though many of the couples went through different agencies, every couple we spoke with said that LDS Family Services has great education classes and offers support that is hard to find elsewhere so we decided to attend an orientation to learn more. Since we had both recently started new jobs, it was difficult to take an afternoon off to attend the orientation in Layton. We got permission from the case workers in Layton to attend the orientation in Salt Lake City.

We went to the orientation not really knowing what to expect and still contemplating if this was the right agency for us. While we were there, we had the opportunity to discuss many of our concerns with the case worker and other couples. We were reassured by meeting with other couples in similar situations that we were not alone and there are people who understand what we are going through. While we reviewed the information, we felt a great sense of unity with all those who were in the room.

That meant a lot to us because while we had received a lot of love and support from those people who are close to us, most of them really didn’t understand what we were going through because they had never been there. It was nice to talk to people who had struggled with the same trials and who truly understood the pain and heartache that we were feeling.

By attending the orientation, we gained greater insight about what to expect while completing the adoption process. We were assured that the process would not be easy but that there would be many resources along the way to help. We were amazed at the love and unity that we felt, just in the orientation and how the Spirit in the room was so strong and we felt a great sense of peace and comfort.

We left the orientation with a greater understanding of what to expect throughout the process and felt like LDS Family Services has a lot to offer adoptive couples but we were still not positive if this was the agency that we would be placed with our baby. After a lot of thought and prayer, we decided to schedule an intake interview and explore our options further.

Intake Interview

The idea of an intake interview was a difficult one for us. It felt like it was an interview to see if whether or not we were fit to be parents. The idea that just about anyone could become a parent but we had to be interviewed was a hard concept for us. While we understood that undergoing screenings is a necessary step in placing a child, we were afraid that if we didn’t have the right answers to the questions, our dream of becoming parents would be lost. Regardless of our fears and anxiety about the interview, we knew we had to do it, so we went ahead and scheduled the interview for an evening after work.

After meeting with Judy for just a few minutes, our nerves were quickly settled and we were able to be ourselves. We spent the first part of the interview just getting to know each other. She asked us to tell her a little about each of us and how we met. We each have different versions of how we met so Eric started off by telling her how he thinks we met and then I told her how we really met. We spent a while laughing and joking about our story while we got to know each other.

Judy then asked us what brought us to LDS Services. We were completely honest with her and told her that we felt strongly about adopting, but we weren’t sure about where we would find our baby. We told her that we started with LDS Services for two reasons. The first being the feeling of love and support that you can find with people that share your same values and beliefs, and the second reason being that LDS Services fit better financially within our current situation. Judy was very understanding and she was so kind to share her own personal experience with adoption and she reassured us that we were right in thinking that we were looking for our baby and not just any baby. Throughout the interview, she was very considerate of that and continually said, “If you decide to go through us.” We weren’t sure what we were doing, and I am sure she was very well aware of that, but she was very sensitive towards our thoughts and feelings. The rest of the interview was spent reviewing the adoption packet and going into greater details about the adoption process.

We had been praying for months as to whether or not LDS Services was the agency we should continue with and during our interview, we felt the reassurance that this is where we were supposed to be and this was the agency we were to move forward with.

Eric and Heather's Adoption Journey- Part 1

Introducing Eric and Heather, a prospective adoptive couple who will be sharing their experiences in a series of guest posts about what it’s like to go through the adoption process with LDS Family Services.

Introduction

We are excited for the opportunity to share our adoption experience with you and hope that you may find something that resonates with your own thoughts and experiences in our blog posts. Our dear friends, who have been or are currently in similar situations, have helped us find great peace and comfort as they have shared their excitement and concerns about adoption with us. Our hope is that this blog will help others feel the same peace and support we received in knowing that we all are not alone in our situations and experiences.

Eric and Heather met each other at a Young Single Adult Activity. Their adoption journey began when they were newlyweds:

Background and Infertility Diagnosis

Eric graduated with his Bachelor’s the month before we were married and I had about a year before I would graduate. We decided to wait until I was finished with school before having children. In April of 2008, when I was just a few months away from graduation, we decided that it was close enough, so we started trying. We were thrilled and nervous all the same time. After about six months with no luck, we decided to make an appointment with my doctor. I was put on some medicine for several more months but still no luck. I went off the medicine after a while and we just decided we were going to see what happened. During this time, we had almost everyone we knew comment on why it wasn’t happening for us. It seemed like everyone knew what was wrong but us. It had been about a year and a half when I went back to that same doctor and he said that we still had some options but that maybe we should test Eric, just to make sure everything was okay. We made an appointment with the Andrology clinic down at the University of Utah that same month and after what seemed like forever, we were called with the results. I remember talking with the nurse and thinking to myself, “This isn’t how it is supposed to be,” and wondering how I was going to tell Eric. Eric actually came home as I was hanging up the phone with the nurse and we talked about it and he said exactly what I needed to hear. Eric is always so optimistic and always trying to look at the bigger picture and see what we can learn from the trials we go through. It took us several months to decide what we wanted to do. The results that we received did not indicate that we would never be able to conceive, they stated that it would be very difficult, but not impossible, so it seemed as though we went back and forth multiple times on what we should do.

The Decision to Adopt

After spending a lot of time on our knees and in the temple, we decided to move forward with adoption. I can honestly say that I am thrilled about the idea of adoption and I feel very strongly that this is the right path for Eric and I to be on. However, I think the reason it took us over a year to make this decision is because I thought that once we made the decision to adopt, we wouldn’t be saddened or even jealous when we heard of others becoming pregnant. I was so sure that if we were to be blessed by having our child come to us through adoption, I would no longer be bothered when someone complained about being pregnant or commented on how they wish they didn’t have to have morning sickness or gaining weight. I didn’t understand why I would be bothered by such comments if I was so thrilled about adoption. It made me nervous and made me second guess my previous promptings and feelings towards adoption. Luckily, we have some wonderful couples in our ward that have adopted and we were able to talk with them and hear their thoughts and feelings. They helped me realize that I was not alone in my feelings and that they, too, had similar feelings, and still do. After several discussions with each of these couples, our worries became smaller and I felt even greater peace about the concerns that I had. Eric and I spent a lot of time talking about our feelings and impressions that we had and we realized that our greatest desire was to be parents rather than to become pregnant.

We continued to pray about our decision and I remember being in the temple one day and having the impression that everything would be okay and that we were to move forward with adoption.